what remains

by Jumamosi Popenoe

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about

pieces of art created in response to life and the world i live in.

The pieces in this album were written and recoded across 2014 and 2015--during my junior and senior years of high school and the summer following both.

credits

released June 23, 2015

All songs are written, performed, mixed, and mastered entirely by Tony Popenoe

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license

all rights reserved

about

Jumamosi Popenoe Cincinnati, Ohio

I can't actually dance the waltz.

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Track Name: where do the ducks go?
I awoke from a dream
To the words "REVOLUTION" flashing on my alarm clock
But things still feel the same (empty)
Maybe if I spread my feathers the length of this hallway,
This peacock will truly feel bravery
Maybe if I tell enough half-truths,
I can make myself believe them wholly.

I don't wanna delude myself with dreams of Same Love.
Don't wanna carve out a smile just because it's Thanksgiving
For all I'm thankful for now are days when I can stay in bed
And everyone leaves me alone.

I can't postulate "forgive and forget"
When all I do is remember
That I'm a sharp key among the majors;
I'm February but may all think I'm March.
No one knows why I won't leave my wardrobe
Or that I even have one.

Regret paves this road like shards of broken glass
While I still live inside the bottle.
I'm still trapped in my cage
That I lock with butterfly kisses and an aegis.
That I've lived in for ages.

When this city is past, summer will be present
When the sun comes out, winter will be over
And maybe my house,
Will finally,

Become home.
Track Name: see ya later alligator!
This is a song about things I'd like to forget
Like you and late night movies at your place
This is a requiem for all that we could've been
And I wish that we still could

You'll find three missed calls waiting on your phone
And a message composed of a fear of nothing
For hours of driving in empty lots
Builds crocodile courage in me

This is an apology to me in the morning
For I'll regret letting my words turn into water
And flow like the sea
You'll move on with life and forget
And eat cookies and watch movies at your place
But I'm an elephant at heart

You'll find three missed calls waiting on your phone
And a message composed of a fear of nothing
For hours of driving in empty lots
Builds crocodile courage in me

You thought I'd be out in the world somewhere crying
But I'd never dream of giving you the satisfaction
Of shedding tears over wasted years with you

You'll find three missed calls waiting on your phone
And I won't be bawling in any one of them
For driving along all night long has long dried my eyes out

Cause I had you like I've had a dog or a blister, and I've never had either one. So why am I singing this song and why are you still listening to me?
Track Name: Everyman
I'll go to a party/ And I'll start singing the blues/ maybe you'll notice me/ glancing across the room/ You'll think I'm pretty/ And I'll think you're pretty too/But what does it matter/ we both know it's too soon// You work at Starbucks/ and I'll walk in someday/ You'll ask my name but/ we both know you know it/ And I'll take the usual/ Darker than me these days/ Our eyes meet/ Cold, I walk out//
I'm just some boy/ That's not gonna change/ Not quite a man yet/ Though I feel so aged/ Time will pass/ And you won't stay the same/ Till the only thing that I have left/ is my pain//
I'll crawl in your pocket/ Make home in all the lint/ Spending my hours on you/ Though you wouldn't notice/ Or I'll act a fool/ Just to catch your eye/ They say grow up/ And I just ask "Why?"//
I'm just one guy/ A face in the crowd, A man on the news/ Someone you used to know/ A long time ago/ A girl when we met/ Now you're a grown ass man/ Oh don't stop changing just for me//
Track Name: dirty laundry
I've spent too many summer nights, tryna figure out what to wear the next day. I've spent too many days out of 365 figuring out how to dress to impress you, but all I'm getting is wasted time and money.
Track Name: we're all nudists at heart
You in your tank top
And your cut-off jeans
Laying in the grass
Your loose braids
And those white keds
Walking through my mind
I wonder how you see me with those Ray Bans

Don't change and you'll never wear me out

Those black and white stripes
They make me think
Of me and you
That loose sweater
Of yours always
Makes me feel better

Don't change and you'll never wear me out

You can stay for hours
I'll just listen to you laugh
It's fine by me
Then beneath the moonlight
We'll go dancing
In your sun-dress
I know the waltz
If that's not
Too old fashioned

Don't change and you'll never wear me out.

I've spent too many summer nights tryna figure out what to wear the next day
But all I'm getting is wasted time and money
I've spent too many day of 365 tryna figure out how to dress to impress you
But all I'm getting is wasted time and money
Track Name: the house that hatred built
i am a chicken, my name is Matthew
i've been one my entire life.
i live with the dread of a looming slaughter
i know not when it will come
i keep my wings tucked and don't make a peep,
so maybe then they'll leave me alone

but I guess I was wrong
i lived in this cage and died the same
was it living at all?

i am an elephant, my name is Michael
i've been one my entire life.
i roam with the fear of the ring and the whip
a fear I can taste on my tongue
i try to tread light and bury my head
so my tusks don't fabricate threats

but I guess it was for naught
i lived in the ring under law of the whip
was it living at all?

some shots to the head some blows to the nose
round and round and round and round I go
string me up or beat me down
pluck my feathers run me out of town
who's the animal now?

oh god I just wanna live.
oh god I just wanna live my life the way it's meant to be.
Track Name: two trains leave the station at the same time
it'd be easier to cut open my chest and pull out it's contents than tell you how i feel
what i mean is, broken morphemes are all that comes easily to me
t brings me great distress that lately i’ve been struggling to find rest
and the development of all my projects has been arrested
is this a test? From a god that i don’t even believe in?
to see if i’m fit to raise a child i don’t wanna conceive?
i think back to when things were at ease and I could sit and watch clouds as we lay in the leaves
but i got off track and ran out of time to unwind
my life has turned away from sweet peach to sour lime

high school is hard and i feel sad sometimes
i’m tired in mornings and late at night

i got too dumb to be from intelligent design
like when i freeze onstage and forget all my lines
damn mom, i don’t wanna go to school today
i just wanna stay home and play guitar from when i wake up till 3, then sit back relax & write poetry
if dreams really do come true, then why am i sitting across rooms not talking to you?
why am i barely getting views on Youtube?
it’s untrue what they’ve been saying about me
but i’m not responsible to tell the constable that i’m an innocent g
just boogie to the beat like 1, 2, 3, you hear me?
i’m not actually hearing this. i’m not even here for this
this ain’t what i came for. i wanna learn, not stay up until 4
soon it’ll all come to an end and—hopefully—they’ll someday free my friend
but will i miss the people and the time that we spend?
or shall we just laugh it off like we were playing pretend?
right now is everything and nothing at once.
you’d be a dunce not to realize that between us there’s something

it’s awkwardness… that i run from. it’s priests, cops, feelings, and your conservative mum.
the only thing truly terrifying is myself, so i close off like dusty books on stack shelves.

high school is hard and i feel sad sometimes.
i’m tired in mornings and late at night.
Track Name: Either/Or
We met in a nightmare/ I guess to you it was more of a dream/ Didn't know what to make of it/ I'm a-Freud it felt ordinary// You offered a hand/ Though I didn't understand/ To be true I was piqued/ But I knew not what to say or whether I wanted to stay// The view was nice outside your window/ I only wanted to go forward/ But when I caught sight/ Your eyes beamed brighter than any headlights// I might lock digits with you/ But first there's pros & cons/ To sharing a bond & having nothing wrong// I said sorry/ I didn't know how much I'd mean it// I see you smile/ Relive for a while the time we spent//

I never meant to enjoy it so
I never meant to have so much fun
This ain't going according to plan
I should've just held your hand
Track Name: what remains
As we sit here on my couch, I think about what remains. When you leave tonight, I'll remain here long after along with the imprint of your body on my furniture. And when you leave me, it'll be memories of your scent, your voice. And when those crumble with the sands of time, all that's left will be all of me.

Decades from now, I will die and leave behind a lifetime of myself in others and the never-ending pattern will continue until aeons later when it all truly ends and this universe collapses.

Then what remains?

I will leave others like I did the rest and you to me and hope what remains with me is the knowledge for a better "next time". And with them I'll leave the love I gave--to stay with them when I no longer could--for no hourglass or star-death can take that away.
But the hope of this is all I know remains for sure.